i've decided to close that whole chapter of my life and move on. as what yazzie mentioned, if they dont value you, no point thinking so much about them either. and cynthia had been so totally sweet! they are not letting you screw up their lives, so why should you let them screw up your life? well. i had always thought that my friends were the ones that would stay with me when the world crumbles, but as i came to realise that everyone's just going with the flow, they just dont seem so true anymore. maybe this can be counted as a blessing in disguise. i've come to know how united or close the rest of the class is, and that there are so many wonderful people out there. thanks a lot my dears! (: talk to a few of my close friends and felt so much better after that. so 1 chapter closed, 1 more is still left half open. gosh, i cant bear to let this other 4 year friendship end like that. D: maybe i'll start talking to her someday, but since it's a "i'll talk to you after mid year" thing, maybe i'll just wait and see. and just as what you noticed that day, that small little concern which made me smile and what you said after that, i should pioritize and focus on the things that i can change now - my grades, and that is so much more important than all these friendship nonsense. thanks for being here when the world crumbles. (:

anw, phantom ytd was damn good! (: HAHA. went with rachel neo and totally enjoyed it. a break admist all the work and all. im so screwed up for mid years, it's in a week and i havent started. HOW. D: i think i need to start soon. this last-minute studying isnt working and im so dead. HELP. and it all came tumbling down. D:
i lost everything.
now i really truly understand what it means to be displaced. D:
oh why did you have to play such a big part in my life in the first place?
sucks. booohoo. we're 13 days to mids. better mug hard man. well i havent started at all, how to not break that "im gonna improve by 10 pts" promise?! sucks.

oh well, this week had again been uneventful except for tuesday and thursday. haha tuesday went for weekday mass. lol the whole atmosphere was liked damn diff as compared to weekend ones. and lasted only 30min. haha (: it was also fr's bday. so we wished him and i had to go home. sobs.

thursday was the most loooked forward thing in the weeek. although it was like the sec4s last i&e meeting, i was q excited cuz it was presentation of our proposal to the ceo. HAHA. me and yx was like damn scared. we rehersed like 1001 times. and she and jessica had to present some gifts to the ceos, so we practised how to shake hands. i got to play the ceo part! (: jessica cant shake hands for nuts, but soon she learnt how to lah. HAHA. and the stupid surprise was, there was not only 3, but 4 ceos here. die. not enough presents. so me, the cameraman, ran around to figure out how. haha. and snap like 1001 photos (: we were the 6th group to present. hahaha all in all everything went quite well lah, and they said we're the best group (: and our idea of sky dating was highly feasible. yay! but when they asked bout the price, omg. totally cocked up. cause mr cchua was like showing with his hands 80 80 80 and mt was like 25 25 25. and me and yx were like ERMMM. so i went ERM. and den she answered. and i got scolded for not saying 80. cuz she in the end said 30-50. HAHA. but oh well. and they asked if MBAs were allowed. married but avaliable. and i said "erm. maybe it should only be for singles" and everybody laughed at me. D: hahahaha they said i sounded too innocent to be true. HURHUR. but the ceos were like "vry gd! u got lateral thinking (sp?)." better go find out the meaning of the word. i think it means tt i sound stupid? HAHA. idiot lah. chionged to wrap the gifts and all, took more pics, and at like 6.45 we were chased out of the avt by mrs lee. D:

but all in all, this whole last meeeting's damn great! HAHA i love i&e a lot a lot lah. come to think of it, there's nothing to look forward to each week anymore. my life's gonna be books books books. tys, impact, just du it, power packs, prelim papers. SIAN.

although this was our last, it had surely been a blast.

thank you pokpok for the farewell gift. since when did i ever remind you of a smiley face man. tsktsk. (: the wacky project manager says bye! okay, guess there's something else to look forward to, eg. may babies bday bash, fullerton hotel chocolate buffet treat, i&e camp! (limin you seeee my hint?!?!) HINT HINT HINT. haha im back to update again. so pissed off cause of my itchy finger that my whole template changed. haiya. but luckily i found the sorta "backup copy" in my folder. so hopefully the whole template would be alright. *cross fingers*

this is one weekend which i truly bruly love. (: this year's easter triduum was highly fulfilling. cant imagine that it had been a year since i got baptised. and now it's jan and zm's turn. zm's real funny lah. no wonder he needs the "refresher course" thingy.

so here's how my weekend went:

maundy thursday
v v interesting day. it's like the 2nd time im missing i&e halfway just to go for mass. haha. (: told mt that i was going to meet my boyfriend calvin. and i cant believe she really believed. omg. calvin's my calculator. ): dammit. i wonder how im gonna be interrogated tmr. HAHA. but anw, i had to chiong all the way to church for mass. was still in my sch u summore. ): mass was great. this marked the start of my high-ness period. haha. sad that i was like a teeeeny weeeny bit late so culdnt get a gd seat in front, so me and stephy and tim went to the back, where steph kept pointing her middle finger nonstop at me during our father. grrr. and i had to twist the whole hand back so that it'll be pointing at like herself. den she happily go change and point the index finger. HAHA stephy makes me laugh (: washing of feet wasnt very clear from my side cuz the guy in front was blocking me. but yea, saw before so nevermind lah.

after that we went visitation. this year's was quite boring. but still, i love rciy and all the mad people in it. HAHA. there's this new girl, called ann. she just joined us not too long ago. somehow she reminds me of ashley. took photos like nonstop lah please. our stops this yr were ihm, sfx, nativity and stanne's. hahaha. was at st anne's den the fr there kept staring at me. he must be thinking hmmm i know you eh, look so familiar. like u came here and "kajiao" me on sunday huh. den i stared back at him and winked. (: funny man. and sorry cloney we didnt go to spp this year! hahaha. reached home around like 12? earlier than i expected. was expecting a like 2am. but still, i was quite high and couldnt sleep until say 4am? but nvm lah. im totally enjoying the kind of worry-free life during this weekend. cant be bothered to touch my work at all. hehee.

good friday
omg. i cant believe that i slept at like 4, and i was out of my house at 9. scary huh. went for stations with the gang at 10.30 and service at 11. up down up down, touch the ground. HAHA. stations was quite touching cuz i was emoing at the time, and i really could feel everything. but after that dont mention, i got REAL high. there was this alter boy which was SOOOO CUTE. he couldnt reach the feet during veneration. haha so he aiya forget it lah, just went there and press his face and walk off. and i couldnt believe that i didnt see him when it was my turn. him, kneeling there carrying the cross, i totally like tripped over him. so malu la. ): it was fast and abstinence for the day. i was damn surprised that i didnt feel really hungry. haha. went to the sister's house after that to watch passion. omg what a touching show. and we made hot cross buns! (: haha. with their mum's help, but hey at least i tried to squeeze that stupid icing out of the bag! haha. real meaningful way to spend my gd friday.

saw this from nat's blog:
I asked God how much he loved me and he stretched his hands wide and said, "This much." Then he died.

holy saturday
i slacked the whole morning away lah. so dont mention. but afterwards, i spent like 45min trying to decide what to wear for the easter vigil mass. was a real cool affair. sky was gloomy and dark and raining like mad. but luckily jan was still willing to meet me for dinner. we stuffed ourselves full, ready to sit there for the climax, the 3h+ long mass. haha. met ashley at mass, no im not sexy woman! she was sitting very very near me. went over to talk to her, then in the end got pushed to sit like all the way at the edge with emile. hahaa. 1st part of the mass started off in darkness. lit the paschel candle. quite cool lah, some light of the world thing. we each had a candle. i couldnt bear to part with it cause it's my 1st anniversary candle afterall! (: cant believe its been a year. den in the end, i didnt return my candle back. (: baptism was cool, this yr there's like 50++ near 60 people. a few more than last year. haha. same old proceedure, pouring of water, vestment, candle. zm and jan v poor thing, they had fr adrian. hahaha. it was so cool sitting there and staring at the whole water thing. fr adrian pour water like free one. while the other 2 priests pour VERY little. HUGE contrast. i died laughing. (:

congratulations to jasperchuazhongming and januari therese! (:
sang my all time favourite song for baptism:

Welcome to the family
We're glad that you have come
To share your life with us
As we grow in love
And may we always be to you
What God would have us be
A family always there
To be strong and to lean on

Chorus:
May we learn to love each other
More with each new day
May words of love be on our lips
In everything we say
May the Spirit melt our hearts
And teach us how to pray
That we might be, a true family

amazing how 1 yr has flown by so quickly. come to think of it, this journey of mine is damn pathatic. haha. only went for confession once, havent been doing things up to expectations, never been going for session often. hmm. i better start relfecting and lead a more prayful life. this year songs for mass are like damn good. cause i loved every one of it. haha. my favourite songs. so glad the cliche ones arent in. (: took 4567898765434 photos. got scolded for not paying attention. hahahaa but i dont care. reception was great also! (: heard that fr's leaving. sad kid here. D: but nvm it's in september, so i got loads more time to kajiao him. hahaha. please remind me to bug him with questions nonstop before he leaves. <- form of revrenge. muahahaha. :D that's for bullying me! (: went to steph's house to slack after that. grandma distributed presents, i got chocolate chicks! :D haha. the toy that came with it was SO CUTE lah. i really have a fetish for toys man. (:

easter sunday
haha was supposed to go for the feast day mass at 11am by the archbishop with my sis. but someone wants to sleep in late, so after waking her up at 9, she didnt wanna go anymore. gahh. den i cant fall back asleep. piff. ): but nvm, today was a slack day. haha im totally enjoying this work-free weekend man. (: no stress. no worry. play play play. was spiritually high quite a few times lah, and i was physically high many many more times. (: wish this kind of feeling would never die. i wish i can continue to serve nonstop. haha but that's like an escape route to studying, so maybe it's not the time yet. afterall, i need those stupid certs huh.

song of the day from ada's blog:
Christ, the Lord, is risen today, Alleluia!
Sons of men and angels say, Alleluia!
Raise your joys and triumphs high, Alleluia!
Sing, ye heavens, and earth, reply, Alleluia!

Love’s redeeming work is done, Alleluia!
Fought the fight, the battle won, Alleluia!
Lo! the Sun’s eclipse is over, Alleluia!
Lo! He sets in blood no more, Alleluia!

Vain the stone, the watch, the seal, Alleluia!
Christ hath burst the gates of hell, Alleluia!
Death in vain forbids His rise, Alleluia!
Christ hath opened paradise, Alleluia!

Lives again our glorious King, Alleluia!
Where, O death, is now thy sting? Alleluia!
Once He died our souls to save, Alleluia!
Where thy victory, O grave? Alleluia!

Soar we now where Christ hath led, Alleluia!
Following our exalted Head, Alleluia!
Made like Him, like Him we rise, Alleluia!
Ours the cross, the grave, the skies, Alleluia!

Hail, the Lord of earth and heaven, Alleluia!
Praise to Thee by both be given, Alleluia!
Thee we greet triumphant now, Alleluia!
Hail, the resurrection day, Alleluia!

King of glory, Soul of bliss, Alleluia!
Everlasting life is this, Alleluia!
Thee to know, Thy power to prove, Alleluia!
Thus to sing and thus to love, Alleluia!

Hymns of praise then let us sing, Alleluia!
Unto Christ, our heavenly King, Alleluia!
Who endured the cross and grave, Alleluia!
Sinners to redeem and save. Alleluia!

But the pains that He endured, Alleluia!
Our salvation have procured, Alleluia!
Now above the sky He’s King, Alleluia!
Where the angels ever sing. Alleluia!

Jesus Christ is risen today, Alleluia!
Our triumphant holy day, Alleluia!
Who did once upon the cross, Alleluia!
Suffer to redeem our loss. Alleluia!


hahaha. (: one more passage i saw from lifeteens.com.
http://www.lifeteen.com/default.aspx?PageID=FEATUREDETAIL&__DocumentId=167916
interesting article. (: seee, how my weekend is made productive huh. not by doing "for the love of english" but by surfing the net nonstop. and sending pics. and transferring songs. and msn-ing. (: happy easter everyone!

p.s those of ya'll who want the pics for sthurs and sat, just ask.
i'll try and upload a few gd ones up later on. together with the i&e ones that i promised to long ago! :P aiya so screwd up. thanks to my itchy fingers, i lost my whole template without backup. D: booohoooo. ): oh well shall update more bout my weeekend and stuff later. meanwhile, just let me go and mourn over this loss. D: sigh sigh sigh.
people cant be trusted?
why are you guys ignoring me?
fine fine.
it's feels so weird to be outcasted.
i really honestly didnt do anything. D:
so now that some one in the clique's more influential, im dumped at the corner?
i feel so uncomfortable and depressed.
sad sad kid.
oh i am emo. D:
cool text below. totally reflect what im thinking now.


People
People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centred;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and GOD.
It was never between you and them anyway.

- Mother Theresa please bear with me, this post is gonna be reaaaal long. HAHA. (: can say it's a recap of the past two weeks. haha.

last last tuesday (200307) which is the day which i urm, stepped down from council! HAHA. one word to express: overjoyed. my 3 years in council is unforgettable. haha all the nonsense bitching and all, well i can honestly say council had played a big part in my life in crescent. and council had given me the chance to do what very very few crescentians can do. for example, it's not a everyday thing that you get to usher people, escort teachers, get on stage and be famous for being known as the "prize table girl". hahahaa. and it's not a everyday thing that you get to reherse for speech day over and over and over again and suddenly forget everything when you're supposed to go out and actually give the prizes. can totally remember how the prize nearly toppled over. and how i actaully walked in and out of the curtain 42 times. haha the 50th anniversary speech day is the one most unforgettable event in council. and not to mention all the nonsense politics that started when elections for exco came around, realised that some things just dont change. it's happening this year too, just when i thought last year's was bad enough. glad im not in exco, sad i dont get to spend more time with my friends in council. council days just passed like that. quite unbelievable huh. D: and not to forget my latest and most dedicated duty i've ever done, that's with cheeeshan my central partner! HAHA standing at the central staircase, rushing people, HURRY UP HURRY UP. hahaha. madness, but i enjoy every second of it, though i complain and complain non stop. and all the tongtong times we spent ponning mass run, on "patrolling" duty. which is total nonsense lah, but yeah, it's definitely not a everyday thing that anyone can do to pon mass run, and not get caught. :P


after which, the thursday that week (220307) was i&e stepdown. 2 blows in a row, i couldnt take it lah. and not to mention to make things worse, some people had been talking behind my back in class. limin saw my crying and got so scared. HAHA. more to come man, darling junior! so anw, i&e step down was so fun. yuexi's speech totally made me tear. yuqi saw and we both started like crying together for that short say 30 seconds?! as what yx said in her speech, and what she quoted from mr bean: "time flies when you are enjoying yourself". i find it really really true. it's only been a short short 1yr 3mths that im in i&e, 1yr that im in i&e comm, but every thursday had been a blast. true i agree that there were fustrating times, and all the politics going on, but we are all stronger, and more bonded than before! the 9 of us in sec 4 comm just work so well together that every thing that seem difficult and beyond our reach all seemed possible when we all just sit down there and brainstorm non stop. haha. and im once again known for "crazy and unrealistic" ideas, well better than no ideas at all huh. (: "ms pearlyn neo" i&e project manager 06/07 had just passed the baton on to shiau haln, and it seems like she's doing a very very good job. HAHA. (: the new comm must jiayou alrights? we're all here as "advisors" although i know mt doesnt want us to, cause after step down there's mids, den chi o's, den prelims, den o's. so i can only officially come back as an "advisor" after o's. how sad huh. anw, the times with i&e would always be the best memories i ever have in crescent. the mad bluesky festival, moe excel fest, yes-nec and all the competitions played a big part to the making of this mad woman. not to forget, the "not very not often" gelare treats and the times we "ka" mt for ax brenners! HAHA i love those days. (: and the flame of i&e will never ever die. and not to forget, the exchange of gifts among all the comm members! HAHA i like the gifts i made a lot a lot. sadly i dint make for myself. sigh. will upload all the pics here soon. (: to view the speech of yx's that day, go to www.signedandsealedwithlove.blogspot.com.

the whole of last week had been quite uneventful. haha. it's like study and study, and sleeping in class, and laughing during recess, but mostly studying. and all the itsy bitsy bits of bitching here and there, and getting bitched about. D: so emo. dont get it why if you dont like me you still come and fake fake, den bitch about me. hurhur, but i shall be nice and try not to bitch about you so often anymore. lesson learnt of the week: not forgiving someone only makes your own life miserable. thanks to cynthieeee and jeanne and gang for standing up for me. but nowadays i feel very very very uncomfortable with the rest. sigh. kinddaf feel a little left out and all. recesses make me more emo only. cause i just dont really feel like i belong, but yea, i shall try my best again this week. i dont get it why some people like to shout at me, make me feel damn demoralised and sad. well, i would understand that you're quite short tempered and all, but i just dont feel like you're treating me like a friend anymore. D: oh well heck lah, hopefully everything would be alright this week.

learning festival ytd, the only thing i remembered, was that i was damn damn sian. it was so boring that i nearly died. luckily i had physics duty to keep me entertained and i&e shifts to make me feel better. haha. only thing i rmb ytd, playing with the seeesaw with mt and ms ZxxxFxxx. omg, i love going up, den crashing all the way down, make their butt pain. HAHA. (: and spending like $4 trying to win ljw in his stupid game. and i won in like the 5th round! HAHA. :D damn happy kid cause it's not a everyday thing that you can win a game with ljw and start laughing at him and insult him. :P twins were damn good lah, they just like played a few rounds and won, and i had to play 4 rounds before winning him. and i cant believe i lost to this P3 kid! OMG. that was like stupidest ever.

but after learning festival was the best. BEST BEST BEST. we had i&e comm outing! the 1st in how many decades man! went to swensen's at marina sq. haha. was supposed to try smth new, and so glad that i was the organiser, tts why i didnt even bother thinking bout exortic food. haha no more i&e exortic dinners for one. (: spent a damn long time deciding what to eat and the chatting just flows like that. (: had SO MUCH SO MUCH FUN that i think we should do this more often! jim was being his funny old self again, the stupid photographer that goes 1... 2..... 1.... 2..... 2 1/2... 2..... and we will be like TSK! wahlao! den he happily take. make us so unglam. HAHA. me and mt have the smallest eyes in i&e no one can beat us! (: shall show the small eyes pic one day, but yea, I GOT THE SMALLEST EYES! :D hopefully we all can come out to eat and bond more often, and the 10 yr pact that me yx mt and jim have better be valid, cause i'd be remembering! stupid Jxx and his collar, we all dared each other to say "eh Jxx i cant stand your coller, put it down can!" but no one dared to. i almost blurted it out but he snatched my camera pouch. tsktsk. guess we are all child at heart huh. no wait, i guess me and Jxx and mayb mt are all child at heart, afterall our favourite store is TOYS R'US! :DD

nownow, i wonder why but many teachers in sch have been calling my "ms pearlyn neo". so much so that ytd i heard around 5 teachers calling me that. see lah, told ya gossips spread fast in the staff room. HAHA. and there's a FLING. "i told you it's a fling! a big fat fling!" xD now dont get me started.

tsktsk, anw today is palm sunday, which marked the start of holy weeek. haha holy week ends on easter so yeah, was so damn scared when i went for confession. or to make it sound nicer, sacrament of reconcilliation. totally missed it when mass was about to start cause was too late, but aft mass had to find fr to do it for me. haha he said im out to kajiao him. tsktsk. but i really really didnt know how to start and end off. so yeah, and the whack on the head was like wth! but still, it's quite an amazing feeling. i was soooooo scared tt i was sorta shivering can, but when i went out my sis was like huh over already ah? u only took 1min. oh shit, 1 min of terror, 1 min of love. but all worth it. now i feel quite connected back again. my penance given? to like reflect and try my best to check of 1 item off the list. every confession check of 1, den can already. hahaha, looking forward to the next confession ahead! (: scared the shit out of me, but made me feel all whole again. (:


When I say...
"I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean living.'"
I'm whispering "I was lost,now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain
.I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow!

Christians - By Maya Angelou


haha stumbled upon this somewhere. (: enjoy the week ahead peeeps! it's gonna be tough, but worth it! just do you best!